Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Lil' Blonde Darling: Madonna in Dick Tracy!

Blonde Beauty Icon Madonna as Breathless Mahoney

Nothing leaves me more breathless than the epic looks Madonna featured as Breathless Mahoney in 1990's Dick Tracy! I vividly remember seeing this in the theater during the summer of 1990, as it was billed as that years epic comic book blockbuster à la Tim Burton's Batman the year before. This was my first real exposure to Madonna....and watching her Blond Ambition HBO special a month later sealed the deal: Madonna obsession for life! While the cinematography, set design, makeup and visuals were outstanding, it received mixed reviews from critics. For me, Madonna is really the only reason to watch the film. Cast as a seductive torch singer in the mob-run cabaret Club Ritz, who is out to snag the dashing police detective Dick Tracy, Madonna shines in the role. It is certainly one of her best acting roles, plus any excuse to have her sing and dance in a film is never a bad thing.

The comic strip Breathless Mahoney only appeared twice, and was very much inspired by 1940's film star Veronica Lake.

Madonna begged and pleaded with director/producer/star Warren Beatty to cast her in the role, but he had his mind set on Melanie Griffith. When Madonna offered to work at scale ($1,440 a week), she was finally able to win the part (starting to date him also helped, or course). The first thing Warren Beatty made her do was bleach her hair (she had recently grown it out to her natural color, see "Like A Prayer" video) and also gain 10 lbs, so it would appear as though she was "poured into her dresses". Her figure became so voluptuous that during her performance of "More" in the film, her breasts kept popping out of her silver lamé gown. The makeup department had to literally GLUE her into the dress, which made them extremely nervous because it hadn't been tested. If the glue had discolored her or caused any sort of allergic reaction they were quoted as saying, "we would be the guys that destroyed a national treasure"!

Madonna's role as Breathless Mahoney also inspired her to release a full length concept album, I'm Breathless: Music from and Inspired by the Film Dick Tracy. Although it only features 4 songs from the film, it is often relegated to the soundtrack bin and is usually left off her list of studio albums. It is a hidden gem from her back catalog and completely underrated. Featuring campy, 1930's jazz/big band influenced songs, all sung from the perspective of a gold digging gun moll, how can you go wrong? In 1990, Madonna was at the height of her popularity as the Queen of Pop, so for her to release an album of retro -jazz standards/showtunes was quite unexpected and shocking. In their review of the album, Rolling Stone magazine said: "No other pop star today could—or probably would - make an album like this." Very true....although it IS an album of pop music, only it's pop music from the 1930's/40's. It DID however include the house-infused #1 smash hit "Vogue", which besides it's references to old Hollywood film stars, is COMPLETELY out of place on the album.

again....the ONLY champagne glass to sip from. FUCK a flute!

Leave me Breathless

Silver Screen

"You don't know if you want to hit me or kiss me."

Quick curls


Got my diamonds. Got my yacht.


 Feeling blue

"Dick? That's an interesting name. My bottom hurts just thinking about it."

She always gets her man!

Her BEST live performance a Bob Mackie gown and $20 million worth of Harry Winston diamonds!

Nothing like a good spanky.


"He's a man...with a gun in his hand."

Hollywood couple

Gun moll

I don't want you to thank can just spank me!

Smoking is glamorous.

with Al Pacino

Breathless gives good face.

It's hard being this glamorous!

The only time Madonna was ever made into a doll (Oh, and she has nipples)!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Lil' Blonde Darling: Blonde On Blonde!

Blonde Beauty Icon Blonde On Blonde

I'm so excited by this post I can barely type! Behold the seXXXed up lezzie glaMOUR of Blonde On Blonde! It was a little known pop duo, started by Jilly Johnson and Nina Carter from the UK in 1977! The two blonde glamour models were made semi-famous by posing topless as "Page Three girls" in England's infamous tabloid newspaper The Sun. Of course, what better way to parlay that new found fame than to cut a record and become pop tarts? It's only logical. With their sexually suggestive name, they were known for their risqué album covers which featured overtly homoerotic overtones. Unfortunately, they really only saw any form of success in Japan...but their 1979 cover of Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" is ridiculous and amazing! Blonde on Blonde is basically a 1970's disco version of Samantha Fox x2 OR a disco lesbian, non-twin version of Cherie & Marie Currie and I couldn't be happier!!

Stir me up!

 Pussy Bump

Why don't I own this outfit??

Picture Disc

 Blonde all over!

The only train I want to ride!


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Filthy Flaxen Adventures of Darian Darling #4

 artwork by Hayley Heartbreak

Here is the latest "issue" of Darian Darling Comics, which is an obvious homage to Botticelli's 1486 painting The Birth of Venus, the Roman equivalent of the Greek goddess of love and beauty, Aphrodite. She was born fully formed as an adult from sea foam. After floating to the shores of Cyprus on a scallop shell, she is greeted by The Seasons, who dress her in golden robes and jewels.

 This also serves as the prize for my Darian Darling Paper Doll Contest winner Nikki, who blew Hayley Heartbreak and I away with her two entries below! Nikki is now immortalized on the cover as one of The Stylists, who has greeted me on the shores of Battery Park with glitzy fashions in hand, after I have floated to Manhattan on a powder compact! <3

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Blonds F/W 2011 Fashion Week Promo Video!

Check out this gorgeous promo video for NYC fashion duo The Blonds' Fall/Winter 2011 runway show. Starring Phillipe and David Blond (obvs) with cameos from myself and some of the most gorgeous names (and faces) in NYC nightlife: Ladyfag, Kayvon Zand, Anna Evans, Gazelle, Rainblo, Jordan Fox, Markus and more! A glittering taste of the Orient...NYC style!

Check out some behind the scenes glaMOUR over at PAPERMAG

Monday, January 10, 2011

Lil' Blonde Darling: Karen Umphrey!

Blonde Beauty Icon Karen Umphrey

Behold the indisputable jailbait glaMOUR of teenage fashion model Karen Umphrey! Born in Los Angeles, Karen had a pretty traditional upbringing/school life but when she appeared as a model in the Nov. 1972 issue of Young'N Lovely TEEN Magazine, that all changed. Her photos were so popular she soon became the cover girl for their March 1973 issue. Her real claim to fame was her affiliation with STAR Magazine, a short lived teen publication created to capitalize on the trendy LA glitter rock scene and it's plethora of teenage groupies. She quickly became a regular at all the popular glam rock clubs of the era: The Whiskey A Go Go, Rainbow Bar & Grill and Rodney Bingenheimer's English Disco, befriending legendary groupies like Sable Starr, Lori Maddox and Queenie Glam. Modeling stints in Japan and Australia (where she appeared in Aussie Playboy) soon followed but she quit the business by the 80's. Prepare yourself for frizzy curls, fur, gold, glam, glitz and gorgeousness! Just how I like it.

baby doll




just a quick 'fro!

at the disco

CREEM with Lori Maddox, Lee Childers, Sable Starr and Queenie Glam


She's 14.